My mom does not want to move into an assisted living facility. That’s okay. I will respect her wishes as long as she has an alternate plan. Plan for your future! We all envision ourselves aging in place in the privacy of our own home. Obviously, that is what everyone hopes for but what happens if you are diagnosed with dementia? What if your spouse dies before you? What if you outlive your adult children or never had any children? What if you’re a fall risk, have limited funds, or stop caring for yourself?

There are several scenarios! My own mom left me a voicemail after searching for an assisted living for her husband’s family member. She said “Never move me into an assisted living facility. I would rather die than hear bingo numbers called or sit waiting to eat meals in the dining room” She went on to say she wants a 24/7 nurse in her home. Okay, mom, I will abide by your wishes as long as you have a plan. Do you know the cost of a 24/7 nurse in your home? The rates vary between $18-$23 per hour on average. You do the math.

Also, your husband is Power of Attorney (POA) and in the event you want our help, you’ll need to make sure your estate is in place with a clear request of who you want in charge of making healthcare decisions on your behalf. Visit your attorney, please! Now if your husband is the caregiver and can no longer care for you or afford the 24/7 nurse in the home, he may have to look for a more affordable solution and in all honesty, an assisted living facility is much more affordable. You’ll want to move in before you no longer meet criteria and end up in a nursing home. Not that a nursing home is a horrible place but I think you’ll agree that having some independence and privacy in an assisted living is a better option.

Now mom, if you end up with dementia and start wandering out of your home, what are we going to do with you? None of your adult children live near you. I don’t know if your dear husband will be able to care for you as you wander out of the home at all hours of the day or night. What happens when you begin to fall? Let’s say you never get dementia but stop caring for yourself. You stop eating properly, stop taking your medications or end up all alone with no socialization or brain stimulation….

As long as you can plan for the future and save for your 24/7 nurse, we will definitely abide by and honor your wishes. Why wouldn’t we? We want you to age in place at home. However, if we feel that your safety is at risk, you can no longer afford a 24/7 caregiver or begin to be at risk for falls, we may have to look for alternative options. I am just being honest….

Honestly, it’s funny to be the daughter and not the client in this particular scenario. I deal with families all the time and see how sad and frustrated families are. It’s difficult to be in this situation. It’s easy to say, I want to stay home. It’s hard on the adult children to be forced to make decisions on behalf of their loved ones. Trying to honor wishes but also have their hands tied. Luckily I have some time before my dear mom is in need of care…. But time flies by quickly and I hope she has a plan to make sure we can do what she asks to help her age in place in her own home.