“Caregivers, we are not being selfish, it’s survival. Folks, we are in a war!” is what Betsy E. Wurzel describes in her video to her Alzheimer’s group. Her video caught my attention not only because she discusses placing Matt into a memory care but also how passionate she is.  Betsy describes what she is experiencing as a caregiver. I meet families every day and help guide them to appropriate senior living communities. I hear tons of stories and often understand how families, particularly spouses, feel when the time comes to move their sweethearts into a memory care community. It’s devastating and heartbreaking. They often postpone the placement over and over until their loved one has declined drastically.

My clients come to me feeling heartbroken and exhausted. Personally, I say I don’t think I could ever place my husband anywhere because he belongs with me, in our home. It’s my job as a wife to care for him. Until death do us part, right? Of course, it’s easier for me to tell you this because I am not experiencing the demanding 24-hour care and stress a caregiver goes through. Betsy offers such real words particularly when she says “feeling bad or sad is different than feeling guilty.” She is right.
Whether or not it’s your parent, friend, spouse, or child, placing them into assisted living where they can be cared for, thrive with stimulation and activities, as well as allow you to visit as their loved one and not their caregiver is definitely a way as Betsy says to “cut yourself some slack.”

Watching Betsy’s video brought tears to my eyes. Hearing her story and understanding that although she feels deep pain, she understands that she is human and only one person. To hear her mention that Matt says he would rather kill himself than to be placed in an assisted living must be so difficult for her to hear and have buried in her heart. I admire her courage and honesty. I admire her words. I admire her war analogy because she clearly describes what us outsiders can only assume we know. She is right in every way and you know what? Caregivers, you are not alone! You are all experiencing similar hardships, whether it’s not having the income to move your loved one to assisted living or memory care, having the funds to keep them home with a private caregiver or having the heart to place them.

Betsy, thank you for being honest and for having the courage to tell us your story!